Where the heck are we?
by Escagurlie
Summary: oaky, it's somewhat of a Mary-Sue, but WAIT! Don't turn away just yet. I'm turning it into sort of a parody of all Mary-Sue's. So just read, please. Mah friends think it's funny.....R/R
1. PIXIE STIX

Disclaimer: Don't own em. I never will. Wish I did. But I don't.  
  
A/N: Well, I have been mulling over the thought of whether I would do this for a while now and I decided to just go with it. Sorry if you hate it.  
Leave me a review.   
  
  
OF PIXIE STIX  
  
One day, some crazy friends got together. Lets' see......uhhh....we'll say they were at the mall. This group of  
friends consisted of Laura Dunfield, Erin McGuire, Helen Yoo, Carli Pedersen, Chantal Johnson and Andrea Ward.  
Each of these girls were fans of one or more of the characters from 'The Fellowship of the Rings' except for  
Carli who was a tad mixed up about the situation. She seemed to like everybody.   
  
They liked them for these reasons: Laura liked Legolas because she thought he was very simply, very muchly hot. She  
also liked Pippin because he was such a moron and he had a cool accent. She also liked Frodo. Why? she just did.  
Probably because of The Eyes.  
  
Erin liked Gimli. *Erin: siigggghhh* Gross, you say? Most likely. But we all know Erin is a little strange. Or you  
do now. She liked Gimli because of his beard and his ax. She also liked Boromir. Because he had a horn. No, not  
that kind of horn, although I'm sure Erin thinks he must have quite a nice one.  
  
Helen liked Strider. She won't allow me to call him Aragorn so he shall forever be Strider in this story. Anyways,  
I do believe she liked him because he is rugged and manly. She must also like Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam. Why?  
She told me it is because she wants to stick them all in jars.   
  
Carli, as I have said, is a bit undecided. She liked everyone. Er...well maybe not Gimli or Gandalf or anyone like   
that, but poor Carli wasn't fast enough to call dibs on the characters she liked. We'll say she really liked...er...  
uh...Frodo. Okees? (Hey Carli, I'll change this if you really don't like Frodo)  
  
Chantal had the major hots for Frodo. She was all glassy-eyed over him and couldn't get enough pictures of him. She   
was too overly obbsessive over him to probably even notice the others.  
  
Andrea liked copying Laura so she liked Legolas and Pippin too. For the same reasons as Laura. Laura got mad at that   
sometimes. Such as now.  
  
Anyways, our story starts in the Gap in Chinook mall, Calgary. These girls were not cowgirls. Most people in   
Calgary aren't. Only the stupid ones are.  
  
They were having fun running around looking at everything, this Gap being the second biggest Gap in Canada....I   
think..nevertheless, Andrea was running around picking out everything on the racks, Chantal was finding all the   
cute pink things she could find, Helen was trying on shirts in the dressing rooms, Carli was laughing at Erin's   
stupid jokes and Laura was checking out the hats and belts since her inventory of those seems to be very low.  
  
Soon, Chantal had wandered over to the men's section and was commenting on how "This would look so good on Elijah!".  
Carli rolled her eyes and went over to look at the pyjamas. Erin followed Chantal around, laughing at her while   
Andrea had finally cleaned the store of every item in the store and was trying them on. Helen was calmly purchasing   
a few shirts while Laura had wandered into the lingerie section and was searching for the male mannequins wearing   
just underwear and had nice stomachs. She found them and whipped a plastic baggy out of her bag. She reached in and   
produced several pictures of Orlando Bloom or Legolas' heads. She took out some tape and plastered the pictures to  
the faces of the mannequins.   
  
Andrea was finally finished so she wandered over to Laura and began to drool over the mannequins with Laura. Chantal  
was still wandering around commenting on how everything would look on Elijah, and Erin's laughter could be heard   
from halfway across the mall. Helen was trying to shut Erin up and Carli had wandered out of the store and was   
reading LOTR again on one of the smooshy chairs outside the store.  
  
Sadly, one by one, they all got kicked out of the store. Andrea and Laura for beginning to spoil the mannequins and   
their underwear. They scarpered off but not without grabbing the undies and the Orli head shots. Erin was kicked out   
because she was disturbing the peace. Chantal was thrown out with her for no reason. Helen was thrown out for trying   
to grab all the glass jars that were part of the display in the window. Tragic, really.   
  
after much grumbling and rubbing of sore bottoms, they trudged off.   
  
"Aww! This sucks! I didn't get to buy that cute shirt I wanted! I guess we'll have to go all the way to the Gap of   
Rohan so I get get it." Andrea complained.  
  
Erin and Laura looked at each other. "Baahaha! There is no Gap in Rohan!!! Hahaahahaha!! FALSE ADVERTISING!!!" They   
screamed in unison.  
  
By now, they group was getting some weird looks so they skulked off to London Drugs to have fun with dropping pencils  
and trying on a bunch of make-up.  
  
They got there, did all they came to do, and went to pay for some pencils they had wanted. On their way to the clerk   
counter, Carli's foot knocked into something. They looked down. It was a bag of pixie stix.  
  
"Ohhh!! I LOVE pixie stix!" cried Erin.  
  
"Me too! Let's get them" said Helen.  
  
So they walked to the counter and paid for the pencils and the pixie stix.  
  
They then decided they were bored of the mall and that they were going to go home.  
  
"Vont la maison!" Laura cried, getting weird looks from everyone except Erin who burst out laughing.  
  
They went home to Andrea's house and went into her room. They got some food and walked out towards the forest up on   
the hill. They need to survive in Middle Earth for they were sure they would be summoned there one day and they had   
to be prepared.  
  
"I'm tired!!!" whined Chantal after about an hour in the woods.  
  
"Yeah, lets stop and eat." agreed Erin  
  
"All right,"said Laura as she pulled out the food bag.  
  
They ate some fruit and then, to Erins' delight, some cake.  
  
"J'aime la gateau!!" the crazy Gimli lover said.  
  
Laura rolled her eyes, exasperated at Erin once more.  
  
After they finished, Helen grabbed the pixie stix out of her bag and gave one to each person and Andrea too.  
  
They all licked their lips and cut open the tops of them. They each tilted their heads back and let the yummy sugar   
powder fall into their mouths.   
  
All of a sudden, there was a big flash of white light and they posse disappeared.  
  
When they pulled themselves to their feet, they were still surrounded by trees. But they weren't normal trees. They   
were golden yellow.  
  
"Where are we?" Carli asked, bewildered   
  
Laura smiled. "Why Middle Earth, of course!"  
  
"I like cheese!" said Helen  
  
  
A/N: Okay, there it is. I know, I know, it's a bit of a Mary-Sue. Please don't kill me. Too much. 


	2. Punting Ents Jumping the Riders and blat...

Disclaimer: I own nobody. Well at least not from LOTR. He he.  
  
A/N: Well after like a year, I've decided to update Where the Heck Are We? My friend has been bugging me to finish it so here's the next chapter. Enjoy.  
  
  
So our lovely posse was sitting around in Middle Earth, to the delight of most. Andrea stared around going 'woooaaaah shibby!' a lot, Helen poked the ground; it was soft and loamy. Erin giggled dementedly saying 'w00t I get to meet Gimli!', Carli was silent as always, Chantal was in a daze and Laura was freaking out at a tree.  
  
'OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!! ITS A DREAM! ITS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!!' she said as she kicked the tree repeatedly.  
  
All of the sudden this tree came along and said 'HM HOOOMMMM WHOOOO AREEE YOOOUUUU?'  
  
The group looked up in horror to find an ent staring down at them Andrea then freaked out and started yelling 'WE AREN'T ORCS YA GOTTA BELIEVE US!!!!! DON'T EAT US DON'T EAT MEEE!!!!'  
  
The ent just looked at her funny and said to Laura 'ITTTSSSS NOOOT NIIIICEEE TO KIICK A TREEEE. TREEE'SS HAVE FEELINNGGGSS TOOO, YYOOUU KNNNOWWWW.'  
  
And then just as Laura was trying to apologize, the ent yelled 'PUUUNT!!!!!!!' and kicked them.  
  
They went flying and landed out in Rohan. They all groaned and moaned and rubbed they're bums because being punted by an ent hurts. Then Helen said 'What the hell was that?!'  
  
And Chantal turned to her. 'That,' she said knowledgably, 'was an ent.'  
  
'A wha-' but she was cut off by Erin getting up and yelling 'GREAT SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOWWWW??!?!'  
  
Then Laura punched her in the arm to make her shut up. 'Dude shut up while I try and figure out when abouts this is' Then Erin punched her back. Then Laura punched her. Then she punched back. And then they both sneezed.  
  
'And how are you going to do that'  
  
Then she leaned real close to Erin, grabbed her head and pointed it the way of a big black blob on the side of a hill. 'Y'see that?'  
  
'Yeah...'  
  
'If I am correct that would be the riders of Rohan.'  
  
'Yeah...?'  
  
'So then the plan is quite simple. We wait for the riders to pass us, jump a couple of them, knock them out and steal their armour and mount up and catch up with the riders!'  
  
The rest of the group stared at her. 'HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY NUTTERS?!?!?' yelled Erin  
  
'Well I'm open for suggestions.'  
  
Then Carli said 'I don't get how that is going to help us find out when abouts this is.'  
  
Laura stuck up her index finger and said knowledgably, 'Ah that is the genious in my plan.' then she got an evil grin on her face and continued. 'We say a couple of us have fallen ill on account of something we ate and we must escort them back to Edorhas. Then, once there, we find out where the servant chambers are, swipe some clothes and go find Eowyn's room.'  
  
Andrea scratched her head. 'I'm confused. What do we do in Eowyn's room??'  
  
Laura grinned. 'Then two of us "borrow" some of her clothes and fake being maidens of Gondor.'  
  
Helen rolled her eyes. 'Yeah like this is EVER going to work. Admit it, we're screwed.'  
  
Laura shook her head. 'If you follow my lead, I bet it could work. I mean hey how hard an it be to knock out one of the Rohirrim??'  
  
'Knowing our luck probably impossible.' mumbled Carli.  
  
Andrea jumped up and down excitedly. 'I know what we need, we need big sticks to conk them on the head heheheheh.'   
  
The group looked thoughtful for a while.....still thinking.....apparently they're not good at thinking...or making decisions......*whistles* tra la laaaaaaa....*picks nose*  
  
Then Helen sighed defeatedly 'Well i guess we have no other choice...'  
  
Chantal agreed. 'Well since Laura came up with this whacked plan, she can lead us in.'  
  
Laura proudly posed. 'By my honour as a master deciever, I shall not let this fail. By my life I swear it....... wait by Erin's life I swear it.'  
  
Erin rubbed her head mumbling about crazy yobbos. 'Crazy yobbos...'  
  
And then Andrea said 'Eheheheh Erin's gonna die. Ehehehehehe.'  
  
Everyone rolled their eyes and Carli threw up. Because y'know thats what Carli does. Oh wait that's Amy who does that. Ummm... okay so Amy makes a special appearance just to throw up. Then she leaves. Hooray for Amy.  
  
Then all of a sudden, the Riders were there. The posse leaped behind a rock. Andrea leaped a little too far and bashed her head on the rock, knocking herself out. Crazy yobbo Andrea.   
  
As the last of the Riders came along, Helen, Chantal, Laura and Carli picked up big sticks and whacked the last five over the head with them. They slipped of their horses and the four girls grabbed the reigns of the horses and tried to stop them. Helen's ended up dragging her along the ground for a few meters before stopping.   
  
They stripped the armour off the Riders and put them behind the rock and slipped the plates on and adjusted them so they fit approximately. They had to put Andrea's on for her seeing as though she was still conked out. Then they mounted the horses. Laura put Andrea in front of her on the saddle and they kicked the horses into action.  
  
'Oh crap oh crap I've never ridden a horse before.' said Erin nervously.  
  
'Just relax we'll be caught up in a few seconds.' Laura yelled over to her.  
  
Soon they had reached the Rohirrim and they rode up to the leader. It was Eomer. Laura rode up beside him and nudged his arm.  
  
She put on a manly voice and said 'Eomer, three Riders have fallen ill and this one is unconcious and needing immediate care.'   
  
Eomer nodded and looked over at her 'Ride hard to Edhoras and seek attention. Good luck. Wait for us to return.' he said calmly.  
  
Laura turned her horse around and grinned. It was working. She signaled to Helen, Erin, Carli and Chantal and they broke from the group to follow her. But then, just as they were almost over a hill, Erin turned in her seat and yelled, 'EOMEEEERRRRR I LOVE YOU WILL YOU MARRY MEEEEEEEEEE?????!!!!!'  
  
Helen slapped her forhead. 'You idiot. FASTER!!'  
  
And off they rode to the capital of Rohan, Erin giggling gleefully, not believng their sheer luck...no thanks to Erin's sheer stupidity. 


End file.
